my new year thoughts

i've been in kind of a six month funk....ok, maybe a year, or year and a half. i think it just might be time to come out of it. i'm still kind of tiptoeing around the idea. would like to, but feeling a little timid about letting real joy in again. but Heavenly Father keeps pouring out blessings and it seems just down right wrong of me to not revel in His goodness. so guess i will. it's a new year and i'm always motivated by that. this year i have 2 things i want to stay focused on.

first, as i put on my new planner - to find joy in the moment...to be in the moment and relish the good things that are going on. not only does this mean i have to get out of my funk...but it will help me stay out of it.

second...it's that 'd' word. yep, discipline. i've decided i don't have too much of it anymore, hence more of the funk i'm sure. i've been thinking about discipline and realize that being disciplined only benefits me. i know, duh! but, thinking about it, why wouldn't i want to be more disciplined. i know i'll be so much happier. so there you have it. i'm anxious....i've started....ran 2 miles this morning, got a bunch of things done. and i'm happy. yeah, it's going to be an extraordinary year.

blessings poured out again

little nathan enoch arrived this week....or i should say big nathan enoch arrived. all 12 pounds 6 oz. of him. unbelieveable! tonya was amazing, as was jared and as was the midwife. she delivered at the midwife's home without any medication. as a woman who delivered 5 babies naturally i am still in awe of anyone who delivers a 12 lb baby WITHOUT DRUGS!! his chubby cheeks are to die for...and he is just the sweetest baby. this is definitely my gratitude of the week. many prayers were answered on this one!

drops in my bucket

it's another spectacular fall. last week i drove up to revel in this beauty and realized it is definitely one of my happy places. i feel so whole when i'm around this spectacular beauty. the yellows were dazzling. the oranges and reds were out but not completely...but the yellows were on fire with their brightness. it made me realize i have not expressed my gratitude as often as i should. i think that one of the things i loved about taking a picture a day last year, was that i was daily expressing gratitude which made my joy multiply. so i decided to resolve to at least blog once a week on some of the things i am grateful for. so here's just a few drops in my bucket of blessings:

*getting to have a grandma sleepover with bekah. we painted princesses, painted her nails,
snuggled up to watch rio and had waffles with (just picked) raspberries and bananas. she
is my first grandchild and has such a deep special place in my heart.

*listening to conference and hearing the answer to something that i had specifically prayed
for. why am i surprised...the Lord is always soooo good to me.

*hot tubing with a friend one evening who is such a good listener. she will listen to all my
endless school stories and never even seem tired of them. she blesses my life endlessly...
and the jets did wonders on my neck.

*dinner with my daughters and daughter in laws during the priesthood session...a semi-annual
tradition we have that i just love. can't wait for our TOFW weekend all together.

so there are just a few of the drops that make my life so good. i'm a blessed woman for sure.

family time

i love summer. i love getting together with family. i love the BBQ's, and the cherries on my tree (the birds have been much better about sharing this year), i love the serenity and beauty i find just outside my back door, i love getting to take outside morning walks with friends and i am thoroughly loving this summer. each day has been a gift of 24 delicious hours and i've been trying to fill them fully and relishing it as i do. the other day the sunshine wrapped me with such glorious warmth, it was exactly what i had dreamt about in january. summer truly nourishes the soul.

my important lesson

i relearned a lesson the other day...seems like sometimes i have to learn things over and over and over again so that i really get it enough to 'become'. anyway i was driving home and starting to compare what others have and what i don't. dangerous, i know. it only leads to a 'poor me' session. but as i began i was prompted to make a gratitude list instead.

so as i was driving i started telling my Heavenly Father all the things that i was grateful for.
for my wonderful kids,
and a great job,
and the blessing to live around mountains,
and for the chance i'd had to work in my yard that day,
and for the many friends who are so patient with me,
and for my good health,
and adorable grandkids who light up when they see me
and my home, and
all the many wonderful memories i have,
and my warm bed,
and the beautiful strawberries i had just bought,
and good books,
and warm showers with soap that smells so good,
and the blessing to work with incredible women in my church calling,
and all the colors of blue in the sky,
and that i get to get up each day and exercise with friends,
and for the lilacs starting to bloom in the backyard,
and for people who do jobs i wouldn't want to do like garbage men and insurance people,
and for how i feel when i go to the temple,
and for the hugs my school kids give me every day,
and for the chance i have to thank Him everyday in prayer.

well by the time i got home i was soooo amazed at how good my life was that i couldn't imagine ever thinking any but that. i felt warm and happy and elevated.

the wonderful thing is that i can do that anytime i want too. there's always more to be grateful for and joy to be felt each time.

and i'm grateful for that too.

more cute baby pictures

look at these two boys....are they not the cutest things around!!

my newest little angel

matthew chance miller arrived 2 1/2 weeks early and weighed 8 pounds and is absolutely adorable!! mom had a pretty rough pregnancy and rough delivery and all i can say is, "celeste, you are one amazing woman!"

it's been fun to see jonathan as a new dad. but it still seems strange that my baby has his own baby!

life moves sooooo quickly. i better keep my eyes open or i might miss something!

the world is beautiful

you know the world is beautiful in so many ways. i woke up to this breathtaking scene this morning. crisp clear sky, pure clean snow and the world looked snug in this new thick blanket. i wanted to just drive around taking pictures....mainly with my eyes and heart because i knew my camera skills just couldn't do it justice.

spring storms are always so beautiful....plus they're gone so soon that you have to breathe in all that goodness quickly.

but the other wonderful picture that caught my heart in an even deeper way was my driveway. nope, i didn't take a picture, but the one in my heart will remain for a long long time. i was awake at 4:30 and actually reading...(about social security and retirement, but that's another story). anyway, i heard a noise and got up to look out my front window. it was 4:50 and the what i heard was the sound of a dear brother in my ward moving all the snow (9 inches deep) from my driveway with his truck. and not just my driveway, but many others....all while we slept or at least enjoyed the warmth of our beds.

it made my heart warm and fill me with the desire to find someone i could help. love does that. it expands. i've always believed that. because i always feel that.

so my friends....you may not want to get up at 4:45 to remove snow for your neighbors. but there is something that you and i can do. i'm going to try harder to do those things. to share my love, which ultimately comes from the Lord, with others.

make the world beautiful.

do something.

that's what girl's nights are for

so last weekend we had a girl's retreat here. it was the best. i've decided that when women get together there is just never enough time to talk. we were going to get up and exercise and do a bunch of things in the morning and what did we end up doing? yeah...more talking. we finally had breakfast at 1:00 - but we made banana stuffed french toast...(YUM) so no one minded waiting...not that we were even waiting...remember, we were talking! we came up with four sentences that we want to guide our year with. mary was in charge of designing something so i'll share that later. but most of all i came away with even more love for these amazing women than before....which i didn't think was possible. each has their own trials and hard things and yet each is going forward in their life with strength and ambition and courage and compassion. they truly inspire me. so the facials were fun, tying the baby quilt was productive,

but the talking.....well...

that was priceless.

oh....and i love posting pictures when i'm not in it! love you girls!

finding my own spring

i received a bouquet of flowers and decided to divide it all up so i could enjoy little bits of sunshine all around my house. i've kind of forgotten how much i enjoy having fresh flowers around. it's felt like a bit of springtime has crept into my house even though it's cold and wintry outside. and i've loved it.



so i may not have gotten around to painting yet....my creative goal for the month...but i have beautiful things around to inspire me.

holy-moly!

i ordered a desk and got it yesterday. i knew i would have to assemble it so i spread all the pieces out on the floor and all i could think was, "holy-moly what have i got myself into!" then i started to think about who i could hire to do this task. but my 'fearless' attitude kicked in and i realized i could do this. so i said a prayer for help....definitely necessary here, and got to work. i labeled everything, divided all the screws, nails, etc. and slowly tackled the 25 pages of instructions.



it took 5 hours but ta-da!! and can i just say how empowering it was to stand back and see the finished product! i said a prayer of gratitude for His help and for realizing i can do more than i think.

it was a good lesson. i often see things and immediately think i can't do that. or that the time it will take is just not worth it. what i don't realize is what a great feeling it is to tackle something hard or unknown and the energy that will come if i just TRY.

SO....can you feel a challenge coming on here?! i would love to hear what anyone has fearlessly attempted, tackled, accomplished and how you felt. new recipe? new goal? new language? new job?

we are all in this together just trying to learn. hope i hear from someone.

a great birthday

yes, i'm wearing a tiara!

today was my birthday and it was a great one too! first of all i had so many family and friends who thought of me...and life doesn't get better than that. thank you all for making my life richly abundant.

and second it was the last day of my year of taking pictures. i have taken a picture everyday for the past year to document all the wonderful blessings that the Lord pours my way... and there have been buckets. i am literally drenched with His goodness. so this picture journal of blessings and things i am grateful for is full of breathtaking sunsets, family gatherings, yummy food, leaves, flowers, friends, books, haircuts, school kids, my kids, more friends, even my favorite medicine (Nyquil in case you're curious). it has been a hard year, but also a glorious year. and i anticipate another wonderful one coming up. i know the Lord doesn't just give up giving.

so in this year of 'becoming' i may not be taking pictures daily but i think being grateful is always a focus. it's part of embracing life. i've always been so grateful to have the gospel in my life for the main reason that i know who to thank.

and Heavenly Father, thank you for it all.

when the cold is good

I went up to Midway last week to see these amazing ice sculptures and was in awe once again at the creativity of people. There really is no limit to what people can imagine. I thought they must have put some kind of blueing in the water so that when it froze it would have the pure crisp blue color but when I talked to the man who created these structures (known as an icicle connoisseur) he said nothing was added. The blue color naturally appeared because of the molecular structure of the ice and snow. That was even more impressive....but then the Lord is always the master artist.

Creativity can come in so many forms. Each day at school I have a little girl who brings me some sort of picture she has created for me and one day she had folded up construction paper and used yards of tape to make me 'plates'. She was so proud of her masterpieces and offered to show me how to make them.

Years ago I learned the formula C=K+I-E ....which stands for:
Creativity = Knowledge + imagination - evaluation.

I embraced that thought immediately. Kids are so creative because they don't get caught up in the evaluation, the judgment part and let their imaginations go unbridled. "Of course it's wonderful....I made it!!"

Ahhh...should we not all be like children and see the fairies in the garden and hear their songs sing us to sleep.

another bold step

It’s the end of the month and have I been more fearless?

Yes! Yes, and yes! But the thing I’m most proud of is that I think in a different way. I focus on being fearless when I have to make a decision. I think about it all the time. I’ve tried to say yes to some new things and am trying to be open when new situations arise.

So for this new month that is at my doorstep…….. well I want to focus on fearlessly being creative.

One of the obstacles of being creative is finding the time to do something creative or put the ideas together. I know best time for me to really think seems to be in the shower or the car. More likely the car.

But the other thing that hinders creativity is fear! Ah-ha…...back to being fearless! I think it goes back to being afraid of failing or looking dumb or not being able to do something well. Duh! Of course I’m not going to do it well if I’m too afraid to try.

So today I fearlessly bought some watercolors!

It’s been so long since I’ve painted that the majority of my paints are dried and hard. Kind of makes me feel like my creative juices have done the same.

But the good news is that that’s fixable. I will be fearless! And creative this month.

Who will sign up too? Please share what creative things you want to do this month!

at the end of the day

Since I take a picture everyday I always have my camera with me. (It's been a great habit to develop.) Anyway the other evening I caught this breathtaking sunset. All I could do was sit in my car and just revel in the beauty and feel so grateful to be a small part of it.....I think being an appreciating spectator is an important part to play too. Anyway, it had been a hard day and so to see this at the end was a treasured gift. Later that evening as I was viewing the picture on my computer I reflected that it kind of summed up life. Sometimes things don't go the way you want, they're hard, messy, complicated or just 'not fun'. And yet you learn from those experiences, you come away appreciating the lessons and become better, wiser, stronger, and hopefully more beautiful because of them. You don't get spectacular sunsets when it's a clear sky.

I had a friend who once wisely told me, "I hope you have enough clouds and difficulties in your life to make a beautiful sunset." He was quadriplegic. I'll never forget his lesson.

So in becoming fearless I need to realize it's good to do hard things. I should welcome the hard things and realize they are a gift to help bring out the brilliance.

fearlessly finding happiness

I read an article the other day which asked the question: What makes you truly happy? I've been pondering on that for a few days now. I think it's a question to ask if I'm truly going to be fearless. We spend a lot of time as mothers trying to make sure everyone in our lives are happy but then for some reason think it's selfish to make sure we are too. Or even worse, we don't really know what will make us happy.

A while ago as I watched my grandson jump and splash in the only puddle there was at the zoo he found pure delight. His whole countenance radiated because he was so ultimately living in the moment and finding sheer joy.

So what makes me happy? Not what should make me happy, or what do I want to make me happy. What really makes me smile inside just thinking about it?

What can't I just wait to do? What makes me giddy? Ooh, don't you just love being giddy.

I'd love to hear some of your responses. This morning a friend mentioned she once made a list of 10 things that really made her happy.

So here are some of the things that make me happy:
creating
doing things anonymously for others
talking with good friends
seeing a beautiful sky
eating fruit
listening to loud music and dancing
reading a good book
cuddling with my grand kids
talking late into the night with my kids
singing around the piano with my family

Just writing these down made me realize that there are a lot of things that make me happy. Really happy. I need to just run to those puddles fearlessly, jump, splash, soak in the moment and relish pure sheer wonderful happiness. And do it today.

I'm kind of giddy thinking about learning what makes you happy!

seeing clearly

The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding go out to meet it. Thucydides

I read this quote a few days ago and I've been pondering whether my vision of what I want to become is clear. I'm pretty good at visualizing (I always get those close parking spots) but when it comes to who I want to become it's not quite as clear.I loved this picture because it's fuzzy....kind of like me. To be truly fearless I need to have that vision. I need to spend time on my knees...my Heavenly Father clearly knows my potential and knows what path is best for me. And the good news is that when the path gets too hard...as fearless as I may try to be, He will be there to urge me on, protect me, and even carry me.

So what is my vision? What is yours? In terms of baby steps, what do I want to be doing at the end of the month that will reflect my fearlessness? Where do I ultimately want to get to?

What does "me - living at my potential" look like?

One thing I do know...it's where joy is found.

one of the many miracles i love

just had to share one of the many wonderful miracles around me....my newest little grandbaby, stephen. ooh life is good!

it's gone!

Well my dress is gone...fearlessly given to DI....and it feels great! Plus I'm so inspired that many of you are joining me. 2011 is going to be an extraordinary year because we are choosing to become all that our Heavenly Father knows we can be.

Pres. Hinckley said, "Polish and refine whatever talents the Lord has given you. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life and look for its opportunities."

I love that...we should look for life's opportunities. I want to look for ways to fearlessly tell people how much I love them, fearlessly look for ways to build and lift and not be afraid to give more.

fearless

This month I want to focus on being fearless. I’ve been afraid of so many things in my life… some because of fear of failure, fear of getting hurt, fear of the unknown. I’ve been afraid of people or I hate to admit it but of what they would think. I’ve been afraid of not doing things the right way, or of costing too much or taking too much time, or not doing it well enough. And you know, I’m thinking none of those things...now that I see them in print- really matter.

So I’m choosing to be fearless this month. So what will that look like?

Well as silly as it may seem I’m going to fearlessly dejunk some closets to start with. I’m going to throw out stuff I’ve been saving or been afraid I may want later. I’ve hung onto a dress for 10 years (that I love) but ‘just in case’’ I may want it. 10 years!!! That’s ridiculous. Being single is forcing me to make changes and do things I’ve never done (online banking and paying bills! I know someone out there is rolling their eyes) but baby steps are still steps. Taxes are coming up and that will be a whole new ballgame…but I will be fearless.

Anyone want to join me? What fearless thing will you do this week or month? Let me know...you'll inspire me.

my yearly focus

My focus for this year (which I always put on my planner cover) is the Time Out For Women theme: Choose to become.

I love the possibilities this creates in my mind. It makes me excited to get going just thinking about it.

So each picture on my planner represents something I want to work on
which are:

fearless
creative
giving
learning
humble
higher thoughts
focus
faith
beauty

I'll explore each one of those later but I'm choosing to have an extraordinary year of great growth, great change and great joy.

a new year - a new path

Last year I took a picture everyday of something I was grateful for or some happy moment... thinking I would document what my life was like. Well, that happened, but a better thing happened...something I hadn't really expected.

It changed my thinking. It changed how I saw things in my life.

I found myself 'looking' more for the good and wonderful things. I started feeling more grateful for those things and realizing to a greater extent how my Heavenly Father pours buckets of blessings down on me. And even though it was the hardest year of my life, I saw that it was so full of wonderful moments and miracles and tender mercies that I was able to get through the hard parts.

So I've been trying to decide what I want to do for this year. I will still be taking lots of pictures, but I also want to write more, explore my ideas and thoughts more. I've been following several blogs and I noticed there are some great blogs for young moms but not a lot for women in my category. The 'the kids are all gone and now what' stage. So I want to explore some of that.

So there you have it....I'm heading down a new path. One that's going to lead to an extraordinary year. Gotta start running.